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Amorette the Great

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a change [23 Sep 2005|09:32pm]
[ mood | calm ]

i havent been on livejournal in i dont even know how long.
this post is entirely happeneing because of miss Vanessa.

life...
i live in seattle, i hate and love it.
my love of my heart and dreams is gone.
i am in love with a ghost i can say now, really.

living day to day, whole foods. i almost get fired about once a month and i think its just to make something happen in my life, to make something interesting, cause im living this, and its good, and im working towards some kinda of things, making things better, im not even quite sure what, but it seems so dull.
i was married, almost married, my heart is still married.

another world away.

now here...

its silly, i laugh and cry.
i think about people, i want to be with people, but i love solitude.
this is the first time i have lived utterly alone by myself and the kittens, not in a communal house, not sharing an apartment with seperate rooms, just me and the kittens, and its amazing.
Thorn, my new kitten. shes a little black witch baby who follows me around all over and will get under my feet as soon as i am standing still for 3 seconds and if i sit for a minute shes in my face trying to eat my nose ring, bite my lips, lick my eyes, eat my earings...or just sit right on my neck or my face when im trying to read. no food is safe around her. i think she is Duckies old spirit, in this new kitten.
echo is mature, he sleeps at my feet and will come over for a good rubdown once in a while, he understands me and whenim cry and holding him close he wont run away all fast but just wait till ive calmed myself as not to desert me.
i have been trying to make myself healthier. i lost a lot a lot of weight before i moved into my apartment and soon after lyndsy left. when istarted work i had all this bakery food around at my disposal and for 2 months its been the only thing i have been eating and now im at my limit. ive gained weight and feel disgusting, i sleep too late for my liking(10, its unheard of) and feel gross. i havent had any cigarettes for days.

i smoked a fat joint last night with my coworker stacey and our shift supervisor(coworker)Rachel. It was really nice. when i get some more pot i will smoke them out.
tomorrow i am going to pick some Salal berries in the woods cause they are delicious and crunchy and taste kinda like blueberries and im going to make fruit leathers.
tomorrow im fasting again.
yesterday i ate nothing at my work. i bought Kombucha and nuts and dried cherries and blueberries and bananas and made trailmix and it was delicious. i felt good. i need to stretch now. and do more. and i will start to ride my bike again. because i want the morning shift back.

i miss my comforts...
i miss you friends, the ones i still have... the ones ive lost...
and i am trying to embrace everything to come...

4 lies| was it a lie?

blah fuckin blah [22 Apr 2005|09:38pm]
[ mood | lonely ]

life sucks
life is good.
i got some smokes(of the green and brown kind)
got a pipe
i need to talk to lyndsy about our week we will come down to LA
i dont know when to buy the tickets
washington
this is home for now
i miss LA
i miss her soft skin
her soft lips
i cant sleep
i miss driving around with her
glass school, this summer
naturopathy school this year
2 years Aukland
xoxo

4 lies| was it a lie?

life... [24 Sep 2004|10:21am]
[ mood | content ]

im a cook...
i broke my collar bone the other day.
it hurts a lot.but the doctor gave me some vicodin, for when i sleep or it really hurts. i have to wear this brace thing that keeps my sholders back, so my bone doesnt displace and puncture my lung. ive been snoting/coughing out bloodchunkys
so i have to go back to the doctor again. blah.

kittens boyfriend has fleas, and she has a few too.
they had fun playing last night.
i made lasagna for lyndsy for lunch.
laura is coming back home to visit again.
that makes me happy.
i have work.
that makes me unhappy.
but i get to cook, but then i smell like food.
i washed my pants.
i think the first time since...may or june
gross i guess, but they are falling apart.
i have to get ready for work.
i washed my apron too.
i want to smoke pot.
mmmm
pot.

11 lies| was it a lie?

mein kitten [19 Jul 2004|05:25pm]
She is new.
Only 5 weeks old.
i love her, she follows us everywhere and whines when she cant see us.
mmm


9 lies| was it a lie?

People who like bald puss= [18 Jul 2004|04:19pm]
ped·o·phile ( P ) Pronunciation Key (pd-fl, pd-)
n.
An adult who is sexually attracted to a child or children.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
3 lies| was it a lie?

SAUSAGE BABIES. [18 Jul 2004|01:50pm]
[ mood | cynical ]

So anyone who shaved their armpits is stupid and gross. HELLO WOMEN GROW HAIR TOO! and people all grow hair for a reason, thats why its fucking there. and anyone who shaves their puss is even grosser. Why the hell do you want to look like a little kid so some pedophile perv can get off on your baldness. Ick. im not saying you have to have a wild bush, but fucking dont shave because some asshole thinks its gross and tells you this isnt france.

on a lighter note.
I have a kitten, and she is cuter than YOU!

Ashley Lyndsy and i are going on a picnic. we randomly fall asleep on her bed.

i have a job. kinda. i was hired to make drinks...and wont they be good

Midget sex is weird and disturbing




17 lies| was it a lie?

[17 Jul 2004|04:40am]
fuck everyone who talks shit.
SHIT TALKERS
11 lies| was it a lie?

[12 Mar 2004|05:07pm]
we found a new house.
6bed 3 bath, roofdeck, big yard, 2nd floor deck, its way cool
we have 2 rooms open, and its affordable for anyone who wants to move to santa cruz.
let me know.
we are going to have fun cocktail parties, well we already do.
you wish you could live with us...
hmm and maybe you can.
16 lies| was it a lie?

the new life [12 Jan 2004|05:13pm]
[ mood | awake ]

life is rather strange these days.
lyndsy moved in with me.
we have our family.
Echo, Foosa, Lyndsy and me.
we share a small bedroom in the westside of santa cruz, and sleep in the closet.
we dont like our housemates cause they are inconsiderate and dirty.
we want to move.
i am happy.
she says i dont look sad anymore.
katie used to say i looked confused or sad.
Sanda lives here.
we kicked it the other night.
my girls came up last weekend.
i miss them.
our plants look good too.
we are thinking of moving to LA LA land. but the other other LA LA Land.
i need a ciggarette and some water.
we got a video card.
it was fun.
you can rent 5 movies for 5 days for 5 dollars.
its a great deal and they have a pretty good select.
my computer is currently incompasitated.
is that the correct word. im sure the wrong spelling.
take care
xoxox

10 lies| was it a lie?

yay [29 Sep 2003|03:32pm]
so school has started. yay for ucsc.or boo. i am in desperate needofmoney. i amwilling to trade favors(ofthe non sexualkind) for money/food/ciggs. anyone willing?
sothings with lyndsy are great too.
i miss adrianne.
comeback home with me!
anywhore...
so i need to get backto studying.
loveyou all
<#33333
12 lies| was it a lie?

[15 Sep 2003|07:12pm]
[ mood | loved ]

so yeah.
i am in berkeley. leaving tonight to go back to LA.
if anyone cares to kick it gimme a call. 805 512 0476

so i went to this co-op party with lyndsy. i hadnt eaten anything all day and was rather lightheaded when we went and throughout most of the day. i had only been awake for about...oh 45 minutes when we got to the party(10pmish).
so it was a pirate themed party. saw some people i had met through her and we met some pretty neat people. saw a guy i worked with in santa cruz, that was fun. but anywhore.... so pirate theme=lots o rum. somehow a bottle of "grog" got handed to me. im a drinking... nothing, drinking some more... all straight, so then i ended up taking a big ass fucking gulp of 151, and i was all cool, but then... like everytyhing fucking hit me wayyyy hard.
kinda funny but sucky, we were talking to this really neat chick, alex, and then i like pinned lyndsy on the wall and started kisssing her, and then i bit her lip and made her bleed. hah, i feel so lame. she took care of me. i ended up puking in the court yard and then back when we got to lyndsys flat i vomited in the toilet and was dry heaving. i havent puked since new years at jessickas in san diego. it was nastty, then i proceded to take my clothes off and pass out. woke up feeling not too bad, but then later had a bad hangover which consisted of a fucking headache from hell and my stomach turned upside down. eek, couldnt eat really all too much.
later in the evening we went to her friend morgans house and had the best cornchowder ever and watched hedwig and the angry inch.
things are good.
i think ive let go of some shit and whatnot. ive fallen for this girl and i think its a good thing, or potentially could be.

ps whos on friendster?

6 lies| was it a lie?

new [10 Sep 2003|11:36am]
[ mood | giddy ]

so, i havent been around much.
many of my friends, dont talk to me anymore, even a lot of you who are all here on livejournal.
i am proud to say though that i am happy none the less.
i havent done any drugs for 5 months now, and i dont even really drink.
i went to berkeley again.
to see lyndsy. shes lovely, i adore her.
i feel really kinda lazy and dirty looking lately i hate it.
what happened to classy amorette. blah.
im coming back.
my kitten, echo is the cutest.

lyndsy circa 1999, she belly dances. ooo la la

i am getting pretty now.
i miss you.

6 lies| was it a lie?

you'll never gain weight from a doughnut hole. [29 Aug 2003|01:08pm]
[ mood | creative ]

so i havent updated in quite some time.
lets see.
i went to LA. that was lovely.
i got rather sick though and was down for a few days so i wasnt able to do as much as i wanted to. that sucked, but sleep is good. adrianne and jade came up with me. there were beautiful electrical storms that lit teh whole sky up. it was amazing.
a nice drive.
lyndsy came up so they got to meet her. shes coming back up this weekend, at least according to an email she wrote me.
ive been trying the job hunt again. Foodbin. i hope that works out.
weight loss. 8lbs so far. it looks like nothing.
im 15lbs away from what i want.and need.
biking lots. that is good. and ill be going hiking more again.
i think tonight we are going to a hooka bar down in monterey. that will be cool.
yesterday i started off my day aruond 130 drinking coronas at pergolesi which is this coffee bar/beer serving plae. its wonderful.
and echo, my kittne, hes lovely. he sleeps with me and cuddles and its so nice.
things are pretty good. i just want to go to school now and such.
tori amos. music of choice lately.
ive been writing a lot.
i think in about 6 months to a year i will have a book done and ready for publishing. im excited.

2 lies| was it a lie?

days like this i dont know what to do with myself [12 Aug 2003|08:09pm]
[ mood | nauseated ]

so i finally came home on saturday.
its been a while since i updated.
news in my life
Modeling Contract with Ford. I start in 2 months.
hmmm
i feel sick
my overies hate me
and i think i have a fever and i know my head hurts, spine whatever.
lyndsy was in santa cruz yesterday so we kicked it.
it was lovely.
we went to the beach, this half secluded beach, super fucking windy/sand storm whatever the fuck you want to call it
then we just chilled in my room and then later herby and john played guitar while lyndsy and i sat on the sofa on the porch, smoked and sang to their songs.
it was nice.
sucks she had to go home.
LA this week.
clubs, friends, party.
woot
then jade and adrianne are coming back up with me.
i do beleive we are going to the city so they can meet lyndsy and that will be fuckin cool cause then i will be surrounded by people i love.
ims tealing a vase from my house to give to my mother for her birthday.
thats nice yeah?
my back fucking hurts.
fiona apple fuckin rocks me hard right now.
oh yeah.
xo

4 lies| was it a lie?

[08 Aug 2003|09:57pm]
[ mood | enthralled ]

berkeley
woo woo!

thursday 5:40
ill be in the city of angels...

wwoooo woooo

tonight
party.

now i need to piss

2 lies| was it a lie?

learn to fly [07 Aug 2003|12:47pm]
[ mood | high ]

i came to berkely on monday. then went to sacto on tuesday, to bellydancing with lyndsy.
it has been good to get out of santa cruz. i needed it.
last night we went to Cloyne. this co-op in berkely.
2 ganja cookies.
i missed my housemeeting and the jam. whatever.
its bettter to be in good company and carefree, than worrying about shit.
i dont know.
whatever.

how are my darlings?

3 lies| was it a lie?

weing stein [04 Aug 2003|01:32pm]
[ mood | distressed ]

you keep walking, boy yeah...

so these days, mush, mold, everyday the same, everyday differnt. i miss LA so much.
i went to the dr. i had a blood problem a while ago and now its fucking with my overies and i could have ovarian cancer, or a cyst.
the doctor says i cant have kids. i was depressed. sad sad.
what do you do? though i never concidered them for myself, still i feel stripped of a right. how sad.

hollywood. december. me. apartment. jackie. and my kitten. drugs. alcohol. clubs. my life. modeling.

my kitten. hes black, hes sleek, hes classy. his name is Echo.

i am going to the city. to hang out with lyndsy. she seems to be the only real person i know. here at least. shes the only human. or maybe im not human, like vanessa said, and lyndsy is the only other non human.

today i was waiting in line, at New Leaf(this all organic/hippy market) and this girl in front of me, model material, total scenester, and this girl in the other line were talking about their shoes. i felt like i was back in LA, and i turned to Jon, and told him how i felt so out of place. and then the scnenester girl turns around and is like you arent out of place and i was like, i feel like i am in santa cruz, and shes all, well you dont look like you are. and i was like, yeah thats the funnier part of things. she didnt get it. i got it. jon got it.
im no hippy.
im amorette.
classy
fancy
no more this.
i miss me.

Echo makes me happy.
hes my love.

5 lies| was it a lie?

meet my beautiful wife. [27 Jul 2003|03:24pm]
[ mood | indescribable ]

swo the last few days, ive been up down up whatever. splat.
i dont know what has been wrong.
i miss LA so terribly much and feel ever so lonely here. i dont know why.
ive been hangin out with my housemates a lot which is good i guess, but i dont know.
i find myself making these attchments to people that dont mean anything but just in a sense to make myself feel better and not so alone.
thats why i like hanging out with kelly. shes from LA and in a sense its comforting because i know her from there. not here. she wants me to get her that kitten. i shall.
im poor. 12 dollars to my name. but that doesnt worry me. yesterday i was just crying for no reason and i hate that. its like my life has been shaken up like a snowglobe. i didnt get enough finacial aid so i dont know what im going to do about that.
i dont want to go to cabrillo, but its like the only thing i can afford.
im an ex nobody going nowhere. i dont care. i have me. and my kitten.
i didnt sleep with him last night cause he was off hiding and playing with things when to bed. i coudlnt sleep, but i did have this weird ass dream about being part of like i guess a super hero team, but yeah, i was an alien thingy and had antenas and i could fly with this kite looking thing that shot bullets as well... and i dont now weird.
when i was half sleeping my kitten was walking all over me and when i would toss he would just stare at me and whine.
i love him. hes so cute.
i have to scan some pictures for my housemate, kristen. she makes me laugh, and says my name all funny and french sounding.
i miss meechy, and going to BEAT IT with all my lovelies.
Kelly D. is coming sometime this week and i cant wait. more familiar people. i like it.
i guess its just here, though people are more kind or so it seems it also isnt as real. its almost seems default, like you have to love everyone here.
i need to stop smoking and cursing so much. i think i sound really... i dont know, i say fuck a lot though. oops
tonight is jazz and the fire spinners... hmmm, i dont know if i shall go.
i need to start going hiking again. and too the beach.
i shall do that... when kelly comes maybe.
i need a hug. and just someone to hold onto me. i dont know why.
i think from going out everyother day and seeing people who i love and that love me back and holding onto each other and hugging i got used to it and now i dont have that and i want it back.
i think ineed to leave santa cruz. i love it, but i think maybe come december i shall be living in West Hollywood.
so woohoo.
maybe fun fancy classy times to come.
adrianne i love you my bestest friend.
and gnatty is my dreamboat! <3333
oh yeah and if anyone wants to know the difference between scenesters, punk rockers and hippies, Kristi and i totally know all of it.
mwuahahahah

1 lie| was it a lie?

[24 Jul 2003|12:33pm]
i got a new kitten.
he the cutest.
and a little bastard.
hes only 6-10 weeks old.
hes in the attic/bathroom somewhere, hiding and meowing cause hes afraid of everyone.
i love the little shit.
my best friend.
i need to name him.
3 lies| was it a lie?

choing [21 Jul 2003|01:10pm]
[ mood | chipper ]

so last night we went hiking, my housemates and i.
i rather enjoy their company.
the night before went to a party thang, i ate a bit of shrooms and had some wine and smoked plenty of bowls. i was feeling good.
saw some old friends at the party and was with my housemates there. then we al came home. Yesterday Amanda played her guitar and sang downtown and it was beautiful. she made some money.
oh yea
WE GOT ANI TICKETS! Fuck yeah. Oct. 22, 2003 ani-santa cruz. woohoo
thats exactly the same day i saw her last yer in LA.
Last night, Hiking, we explored the caves, Wet, cold, muddy, but clay type mud. it was sooo cool, but i was trying to climb out of this really steep crevas and i slid and banged my head and gashed my chin open. so there is a nice slice on my chin...YUMMY.
bled all over my clothes, it was dripping everywhere, hahaha.
now im all good
but heres this.

In The Last 48 Hours, Have You:
01. Cried: no
02. Bought something: Ani ticket, coffee, drugs
03. Gotten sick: kinda still getting over a cold
04. Sang: fo sho
05. Eaten: had a scone
06. Been kissed: nope
07. Felt stupid: yeah yesterday i walked into a sign
08. Wanted to tell someone you loved them, but didn't: nah
09. Met someone new: yes, party
10. Moved on: sure
11. Talk to an ex: yeah ari
12. Missed an ex: didnt miss them, missed the idea of the relationship
13. Talked to someone you have a crush on: i presume
14. Had a serious talk: hmm not really
15. Missed someone: all the time
16. Hugged someone: yesss
17. Fought with your parents: no
18. Dreamed about someone you can't be with: actually yes

Social Life:
01. Best girl friend: laura, adrianne
02. Best guy friend: hmm abe
03. Boyfriend/Girlfriend: none
04. If no, current dating partner: everybody
05. Hobbies: night hiking, cleaning, baking cookies, being silly and online
06. Pager: nopeeeee
07. Are you center of attention or the wallflower: i dont know
08. What type automobile do you drive: had a civic
09. What type automobile do you wish you drove: anything
10. Would you rather be with friends or on a date: friends
11. Where is the best hangout: anywhere with good people
12. Do you have a job: eh
13. Do you attend church: ick
14. Do you like being around people: 1/2 the time

[Friends] Who:
01. Have you known the longest: leiloni
02. Do you argue the most with: carly
03. Do you always get along with: Laura
04. Is the most trustworthy: dont know
05. Makes you laugh the most: lorin, ashley, lyndsy
06. Has been there through all the hard times: adrianne
07. Has the coolest parents: adrianne/carly/laura
08. Has the coolest siblings: laura
09. Is the most blunt: hmm i dont know really, lyndsy
10. Is the smartest: josh, neil<--for sure laura

Personal:
01. Who is your role model: nobody
02. What are some of your pet peeves: touching my food without asking, making a mess after i clean, the way i make my bed, and nosiness for sure
03. Have you ever liked someone you had no chance with: i think everyone has at some point
04. Have you ever cried over the opposite sex: yeah, same sex too
05. Do you have a "type" of person you always go after: not really but i kinda do
06. Have you ever lied to your best friend(s): not that i can think of, prolly if i wanted to get out of something i dont know
07. Ever wanted to get revenge on someone because they hurt you: fo sho!
08. Would you rather be dumper or dumped: dumper
09. Rather have a relationship or a "hookup": hookup
10. Want someone you don't have right now: kind of
11. Ever liked your best guy/girl friend: nope
12. Do you want to get married: not really
13. Do you want kids: not particularly
14. Do you believe in psychics: yes maam
15. Do you believe you know the person whom you will marry at this point in time: hahah yeah right
16. What is your favorite part of your physical appearance: my wrist hahah
17. What is your favorite part of your emotional being: i think im easy to talk to , but i dont know... i can hold myself together pretty good
18. Are you happy with you: physically no
19. Are you happy with your life: most of the time
20. If you could change something in your life right now, what would it be: my eating habbits, drug habbits, and weight haha
[ Current Clothes ] sweatshirt, sportsbra undies and pj pants
[ Current Mood ] chipper
[ Current Music ] nothin
[ Current Taste ] cigarette/espresso
[ Current Make-up ] old smudged eyeliner
[ Current Hair ] dready and reddishbrown w/some beads
[ Current Annoyance ] fat
[ Current Smell ] jasmine
[ Current thing I ought to be doing ] getting dressed
[ Current Desktop Picture ] fiona apple w/ white wall
[ Current Favorite Artist ] kadinsky
[ Current Favorite Group ] ani
[ Current Book you're reading ] desolation angels
[ Current CD in CD Player ] mix
[ DVD in player ] invader zim
[ Current Color Of Toenails ] natural with red chips
[ Current Refreshment ] nothing
[ Current Worry ] im poor

1 lie| was it a lie?

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