i dont know what has been wrong.
i miss LA so terribly much and feel ever so lonely here. i dont know why.
ive been hangin out with my housemates a lot which is good i guess, but i dont know.
i find myself making these attchments to people that dont mean anything but just in a sense to make myself feel better and not so alone.
thats why i like hanging out with kelly. shes from LA and in a sense its comforting because i know her from there. not here. she wants me to get her that kitten. i shall.
im poor. 12 dollars to my name. but that doesnt worry me. yesterday i was just crying for no reason and i hate that. its like my life has been shaken up like a snowglobe. i didnt get enough finacial aid so i dont know what im going to do about that.
i dont want to go to cabrillo, but its like the only thing i can afford.
im an ex nobody going nowhere. i dont care. i have me. and my kitten.
i didnt sleep with him last night cause he was off hiding and playing with things when to bed. i coudlnt sleep, but i did have this weird ass dream about being part of like i guess a super hero team, but yeah, i was an alien thingy and had antenas and i could fly with this kite looking thing that shot bullets as well... and i dont now weird.
when i was half sleeping my kitten was walking all over me and when i would toss he would just stare at me and whine.
i love him. hes so cute.
i have to scan some pictures for my housemate, kristen. she makes me laugh, and says my name all funny and french sounding.
i miss meechy, and going to BEAT IT with all my lovelies.
Kelly D. is coming sometime this week and i cant wait. more familiar people. i like it.
i guess its just here, though people are more kind or so it seems it also isnt as real. its almost seems default, like you have to love everyone here.
i need to stop smoking and cursing so much. i think i sound really... i dont know, i say fuck a lot though. oops
tonight is jazz and the fire spinners... hmmm, i dont know if i shall go.
i need to start going hiking again. and too the beach.
i shall do that... when kelly comes maybe.
i need a hug. and just someone to hold onto me. i dont know why.
i think from going out everyother day and seeing people who i love and that love me back and holding onto each other and hugging i got used to it and now i dont have that and i want it back.
i think ineed to leave santa cruz. i love it, but i think maybe come december i shall be living in West Hollywood.
maybe fun fancy classy times to come.
adrianne i love you my bestest friend.
and gnatty is my dreamboat! <3333
oh yeah and if anyone wants to know the difference between scenesters, punk rockers and hippies, Kristi and i totally know all of it.