so these days, mush, mold, everyday the same, everyday differnt. i miss LA so much.
i went to the dr. i had a blood problem a while ago and now its fucking with my overies and i could have ovarian cancer, or a cyst.
the doctor says i cant have kids. i was depressed. sad sad.
what do you do? though i never concidered them for myself, still i feel stripped of a right. how sad.
hollywood. december. me. apartment. jackie. and my kitten. drugs. alcohol. clubs. my life. modeling.
my kitten. hes black, hes sleek, hes classy. his name is Echo.
i am going to the city. to hang out with lyndsy. she seems to be the only real person i know. here at least. shes the only human. or maybe im not human, like vanessa said, and lyndsy is the only other non human.
today i was waiting in line, at New Leaf(this all organic/hippy market) and this girl in front of me, model material, total scenester, and this girl in the other line were talking about their shoes. i felt like i was back in LA, and i turned to Jon, and told him how i felt so out of place. and then the scnenester girl turns around and is like you arent out of place and i was like, i feel like i am in santa cruz, and shes all, well you dont look like you are. and i was like, yeah thats the funnier part of things. she didnt get it. i got it. jon got it.
im no hippy.
no more this.
i miss me.
Echo makes me happy.
hes my love.